Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
