How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
