I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
