i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
