why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
