So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
