I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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