There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
