Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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