so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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