There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
