low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She even gives head with a lisp.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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