I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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