we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have already put on my inside pants.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
