I think my vagina is haunted
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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