Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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