TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
