dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
