I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
