I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
