Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
