So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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