that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
