Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
