remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How's work?
Spinning.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
