I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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