now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
