He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize