you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
