I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
