I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
this is an emotional support booty call
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
