I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
