just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
