Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
