They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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