I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Operation Purity has been aborted
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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