we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
nutella sex= disaster
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
