While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
