my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
