sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize