we're chasing vodka with high fives
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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