you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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