I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
