What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
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The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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