y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
