The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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