You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
