I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
