just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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