Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
