It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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