Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you never un-have a 4some
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
