Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize