He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
