I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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