Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
