if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
