i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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