no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
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Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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