He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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